TITLE: CR7’s Lament
INT. LUXURY APARTMENT – NIGHT
Cristiano Ronaldo sits alone in his lavish living room. The lights are dim, and the city skyline glimmers through the floor-to-ceiling windows. A TV in the background plays a sports talk show, where pundits dissect his latest performance with biting criticism.
Cristiano mutes the TV, his jaw tightening. He leans forward, elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. On the coffee table in front of him lies a stack of tabloid newspapers, each headline more mocking than the last:
- “CR7’s Ego Bigger Than His Trophy Cabinet!”
- “The Neck That Never Stops Nodding!”
- “Ronaldo’s Apple: The Real MVP?”
He picks up one of the papers, staring at the caricature of his Adam’s apple drawn grotesquely oversized. His fingers tighten, crumpling the page.
CRISTIANO RONALDO
(softly, to himself)
“Goal after goal after goal… and still, it’s never enough.”
He tosses the paper aside and stands, pacing the room.
CRISTIANO RONALDO
(raising his voice)
“I give everything—every match, every training session. I’ve given them moments they’ll talk about for decades. And this… this is how they repay me? Insults? Mockery?”
He stops in front of the window, his reflection staring back at him. He touches his throat, his fingers brushing over his Adam’s apple.
CRISTIANO RONALDO
(whispering)
“Even this… they make fun of this.”
Cristiano clenches his fists, his voice growing steadier, filled with a mix of frustration and resolve.
CRISTIANO RONALDO
“When my contract is up, I’m done. I’m leaving this circus. No more cameras, no more headlines. I’ll go to the one city that never insults me.”
He turns away from the window, walking back to the coffee table. He picks up a sleek black notebook and flips it open, revealing pages filled with plans, maps, and diagrams.
CRISTIANO RONALDO
(cryptically)
“The city where the grid is smart, where everything is connected. Big Brother is watching all of you… but not me. Not anymore.”
He closes the notebook with a decisive snap, his expression hardening.
CRISTIANO RONALDO
(to himself)
“I’ve carried their expectations, their insults, their jealousy. But soon, I’ll carry only myself. Let them watch from their screens while I live free.”
Cristiano takes a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing slightly. He walks to a nearby shelf, picking up a photo of his family.
CRISTIANO RONALDO
(softly)
“For them, I’ll keep going a little longer. But when it’s over, I’ll find peace. I’ll find the place where they can’t reach me.”
FADE OUT.
Scene: A grand and ornate chamber in the Vatican, where Lenny Belardo, the Young Pope, sits on his throne. His white robes are pristine, and his golden tiara glints under the sunlight streaming through stained glass windows. Cristiano Ronaldo stands before him, his brow furrowed in thought as Lenny speaks with his usual blend of authority and mystique.
The Young Pope: (leaning forward, his voice calm yet commanding) Cristiano, I’ll be blunt with you. Farmed salmon? It’s garbage. An insult to creation itself. It’s like taking a masterpiece and turning it into a cheap photocopy.
Cristiano Ronaldo: (nodding, slightly amused) I can’t argue with that, Holy Father. I’ve had farmed salmon. It’s not great.
The Young Pope: (smiling faintly) Not great? It’s a travesty. The wild salmon are a gift from God, a symbol of perseverance and the delicate balance of life. And yet, we poison their waters, block their paths, and replace them with pale imitations.
Cristiano: (serious now) So, what do you want me to do?
The Young Pope: (rising from his throne, pacing) The Vancouver Whitecaps—those guardians of the Pacific Northwest—are calling you. They see the wild salmon slipping away, just as they see the old-growth forests being felled for profit. These forests, Cristiano, are not just trees. They are cathedrals of life, sanctuaries for creatures both known and unknown.
Cristiano: (intrigued) Unknown? What do you mean?
The Young Pope: (pausing, looking directly at Ronaldo) Have you heard the legends of the Sasquatch?
Cristiano: (smirking) You’re saying Bigfoot is real?
The Young Pope: (with a slight smile) Who’s to say? The old-growth forests are vast, ancient, and mysterious. If such a creature exists, those trees would be its last refuge. Protecting them is not just about preserving beauty or wildlife—it’s about safeguarding the unknown, the miraculous.
Cristiano: (thoughtful) So, I’m supposed to save the salmon and the trees? That’s a lot, even for me.
The Young Pope: (stepping closer, placing a hand on Ronaldo’s shoulder) You are not alone in this. The Whitecaps will stand with you. The people of Vancouver, the children of the Earth—they will follow if you lead. You’ve been given a gift, Cristiano. Use it not just for goals, but for greatness.
Cristiano: (nodding, determined) Alright. I’ll do it. I’ll fight for the salmon, the forests, and maybe even the Sasquatch.
The Young Pope: (smiling) Good. Remember, Cristiano, this is not just a mission—it’s a testament. A testament that humanity can still choose to protect what is sacred.
Narrator: As Cristiano Ronaldo leaves the Vatican, a new fire burns in his heart. The wild salmon, the ancient trees, and the whispers of the Sasquatch await him in the Pacific Northwest. The Young Pope watches him go, knowing that even the smallest actions can ripple through creation, just like the salmon in their sacred rivers.
Scene: The Vatican courtyard, where The Young Pope, Lenny Belardo, stands with Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi. The conversation shifts as Messi, dressed casually but with a concerned expression, steps forward to join the discussion.
Lionel Messi: (looking at Lenny) Holy Father, I’ve been listening, and I understand the mission for Cristiano. But what about Florida? The red tides there are devastating the coastlines, killing marine life, and making people sick. What can I do to help?
The Young Pope: (nodding, thoughtful) Ah, Lionel. A man of humility and action. Florida’s red tides are a scar upon creation, caused by human negligence—the runoff of chemicals and waste into the waters.
Lionel: (frowning) I’ve seen it myself. The beaches, the dead fish—it’s heartbreaking. But I’m not a scientist or a politician. I don’t know how to fix it.
The Young Pope: (smiling) You don’t need to be either, Lionel. You need to be a symbol, a beacon. You and Cristiano are more than athletes—you are voices that people listen to.
Cristiano Ronaldo: (grinning at Messi) Looks like we’re both getting missions today.
The Young Pope: (gesturing to them both) Indeed. But Lionel, your mission is unique. Joe and Nelly—our allies in this fight—are creating a reality show fan club website. Through it, they will launch a new campaign for an ecologically conscious, green detergent.
Lionel: (confused) Detergent? How does that help?
The Young Pope: (patiently) The chemicals in common detergents are part of the problem. They flow into the waterways, feeding the algae blooms that create red tides. By promoting a green alternative, you can help reduce this pollution.
Lionel: (nodding slowly) So, I’ll be part of the campaign?
The Young Pope: (smiling warmly) Yes. Imagine this: a commercial where you, Joe, and Nelly show families how simple choices—like switching detergents—can protect the oceans. Your presence will inspire millions to follow.
Cristiano: (teasing) Looks like you’re going to be a detergent salesman, Leo.
Lionel: (smiling back) If it helps save the oceans, I’ll do it.
The Young Pope: (placing a hand on Messi’s shoulder) That is the spirit of a true leader. Remember, Lionel, it’s not just about detergent. It’s about hope, about showing people that small actions can make a big difference.
Lionel: (determined) I’ll do my best, Holy Father.
The Young Pope: (stepping back, addressing both Ronaldo and Messi) Together, you two are champions on the field. Now, you will be champions for creation. Go forth and inspire.
Narrator: As Messi and Ronaldo leave the Vatican, their missions clear, the weight of their new roles begins to settle in. Back in Florida, the red tides await, but so does the hope that humanity can turn the tide—one choice at a time. Meanwhile, Joe and Nelly prepare their campaign, ready to enlist the world’s greatest athletes in their fight for the planet.
Scene: A modest studio in Vancouver, where Nelly Furtado sits at a table cluttered with notes, eco-friendly product samples, and her laptop. Timbaland is leaning against the wall, arms crossed, watching her with a knowing smile. Nelly looks frustrated as she reviews the failed campaign results.
Nelly Furtado: (sighing, running a hand through her hair) I thought we had it, Tim. The eco-friendly detergent—it was supposed to change everything. But 70 percent wasn’t enough. People saw through it.
Timbaland: (nodding) Yeah, they did. But that’s how it goes sometimes. You aim for the stars, and you land in the dirt.
Nelly: (groaning) Great pep talk, Tim.
Timbaland: (grinning) Hold up, I’m not done. You know what I’m about to say, right?
Nelly: (rolling her eyes, smirking) If at first you don’t succeed…
Timbaland: (interrupting) Dust yourself off and try again. You know the drill, Nelly.
Nelly: (leaning back, thoughtful) It’s just hard. I really believed in this. I wanted to make a difference, not just sell another product.
Timbaland: And you still can. You learned something, right? That’s the point. Next time, it’s not 70 percent eco-friendly. It’s 100 percent. Next time, it’s not just a campaign—it’s a movement.
Nelly: (nodding slowly) You’re right. I can’t give up.
Timbaland: (smiling) That’s my girl. Now, let’s get back to work. You’ve got a whole planet to save, and I’ve got beats to make.
Nelly: (laughing) Alright, Tim. Let’s do this.
Narrator: As Nelly and Timbaland dive back into brainstorming, the spark of determination reignites. The failure of her first attempt becomes the foundation for something greater—a chance to truly change the world, one eco-friendly choice at a time. And as Timbaland said, if at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again.
Scene: A bustling boardroom in Trump Tower, New York. Donald Trump, dressed in his signature navy suit and red tie, stands at the head of a long mahogany table. Nelly Furtado, Timbaland, and Joe C. Jukic are seated, exchanging skeptical glances as Trump passionately pitches his latest idea.
Donald Trump: (gesturing grandly) Folks, listen up. I’ve been thinking about this eco-friendly detergent thing, and I have to say, it’s a disaster that it hasn’t been done right yet. But don’t worry, because I’m stepping in. I’m creating TRUMP CLEANING PRODUCTS—100% Eco Pure. The best, the cleanest, the most tremendous cleaning products you’ve ever seen.
Nelly Furtado: (raising an eyebrow) Trump Cleaning Products? Seriously?
Donald Trump: (nodding) Absolutely. It’s going to be huge. I’ve got the best people working on it, the best scientists, the best marketers. And let me tell you something—Melania loves this idea. She’s from Slovenia, you know, and she’s all about keeping things pure and natural.
Joe C. Jukic: (leaning forward, curious) You mentioned Balkanites. Why do you have a soft spot for them?
Donald Trump: (grinning) Joe, let me tell you, Balkanites are some of the hardest-working, most resilient people I’ve ever met. Melania, Bill Rancic, and now you—you’re all shining examples. I respect that. And I want to give back.
Timbaland: (smirking) So, this is about giving back? Not just slapping your name on another product?
Donald Trump: (pointing at Timbaland) Exactly. People don’t realize it, but I care about the environment. Big time. I’ve got properties all over the world—beaches, golf courses, forests. I see what’s happening, and it’s not good. The oceans are turning red, the forests are disappearing. Somebody has to do something.
Nelly: (crossing her arms) And you think you’re that somebody?
Donald Trump: (nodding confidently) Who else? I’ve got the resources, the influence, and the vision. Look, Nelly, you tried. You gave it 70 percent. But with me, it’s 100 percent or nothing. We’ll make it affordable, we’ll make it effective, and most importantly, we’ll make it pure.
Joe C. Jukic: (leaning back, thoughtful) If you’re serious about this, it could be a game-changer. But people will need proof—real proof—that this isn’t just another gimmick.
Donald Trump: (smiling) Joe, you’re right. That’s why I want you on board. You’re the kind of guy who can make this real, make it credible. And together, we’ll show the world that even Trump can go green.
Nelly: (sighing) Alright, Trump. If this actually helps the planet, I’ll give it a chance. But no shortcuts.
Donald Trump: (grinning) Nelly, I don’t do shortcuts. I do success. Now, let’s get to work. We’re going to save the oceans, the forests, and the world. And we’re going to do it the Trump way—big, bold, and beautiful.
Narrator: As the meeting concludes, an unlikely alliance begins to form. With Trump’s resources, Nelly’s passion, Timbaland’s creativity, and Joe’s credibility, the dream of a truly eco-friendly product inches closer to reality. Whether this venture will save the planet or simply make headlines remains to be seen, but one thing is certain: the world is watching.
Scene: A cozy and modern lounge in Vancouver, overlooking the city’s skyline and the majestic mountains beyond. Prince Harry, Cristiano Ronaldo, Orlando Bloom, and Katy Perry sit around a sleek glass table. The mood is serious but hopeful as Harry takes the lead in the conversation.
Prince Harry: (leaning forward, his voice steady) Look, I know this might sound a bit out there, but hear me out. Vancouver is one of the greenest cities in the world. It’s a beacon of what humanity can achieve when we prioritize the planet. But even Vancouver isn’t immune to the damage we’ve done.
Cristiano Ronaldo: (nodding) I’ve been there. It’s beautiful. But what’s the plan, Harry?
Prince Harry: (smiling faintly) We buy the Vancouver Whitecaps.
Katy Perry: (raising an eyebrow) A soccer team? How does that help?
Prince Harry: (sitting back, his tone passionate) It’s not just about the team. It’s about creating a movement. The Whitecaps can be more than just a soccer club—they can be a symbol, a rallying point for sustainability, conservation, and action. We use the platform to promote green initiatives, raise awareness, and fund projects to protect the planet.
Orlando Bloom: (thoughtful) That’s ambitious. But it’s also brilliant. Sports unite people in a way few things can.
Prince Harry: (nodding) Exactly. And Vancouver is the perfect place for this. It’s already leading the way in sustainability. We can amplify that.
Cristiano Ronaldo: (grinning) Alright, Harry. I’m in. But it’s going to take more than just us.
Prince Harry: (turning to Orlando and Katy) That’s where you two come in. You’ve got influence, resources, and passion. We need you on this team—literally and figuratively.
Katy Perry: (smiling) I like it. A soccer team with a mission to save the planet? Count me in.
Orlando Bloom: (nodding) Me too. But Harry, this is a massive undertaking. Are you sure you’re ready for it?
Prince Harry: (standing, his voice firm) I am. This isn’t just about saving a soccer team or even a city. It’s about making a stand—our last stand—against the ecocide threatening the planet.
Cristiano Ronaldo: (leaning forward) You’ve got a plan, Harry. But what’s the message?
Prince Harry: (smiling, reciting)
_”Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.”_
Katy Perry: (softly) Invictus.
Prince Harry: (nodding) That’s the spirit we need. No matter how dark it gets, we fight. For the oceans, the forests, the wildlife—for the future.
Orlando Bloom: (standing, inspired) Then let’s do it. Let’s make the Whitecaps a symbol of hope.
Cristiano Ronaldo: (smiling) And let’s win some games while we’re at it.
Prince Harry: (laughing) Of course. Victory on and off the field.
Narrator: The four leave the meeting with a shared purpose, ready to turn the Vancouver Whitecaps into a global symbol of sustainability and hope. Their mission is clear: to rally the world against the looming threat of ecocide and prove that even in the darkest times, humanity can still rise, united and unconquerable.
Scene: A grand hall in Buckingham Palace, adorned with portraits of past monarchs and shimmering chandeliers. King Charles III sits on a regal chair, dressed in traditional royal attire. Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry stand before him, both dressed elegantly but with an air of nervous excitement.
Orlando Bloom: (bowing slightly) Your Majesty, thank you for granting us this audience.
King Charles III: (smiling warmly) Orlando, Katy, it’s a pleasure. What brings you here today?
Orlando Bloom: (glancing at Katy, then back at the King) Your Majesty, as you know, Katy and I have been deeply involved in various philanthropic endeavors, from environmental conservation to humanitarian efforts. Recently, we’ve committed ourselves to Prince Harry’s mission in Vancouver to promote sustainability and protect the planet.
Katy Perry: (nodding) It’s a cause close to our hearts, Your Majesty. We believe that with our platform, we can inspire real change.
King Charles III: (leaning forward) Admirable work. The planet’s future is something I’ve been deeply passionate about for decades. But how can I assist you in this mission?
Orlando Bloom: (taking a deep breath) Your Majesty, we believe that our efforts could carry even more weight with formal recognition. I humbly request that you consider granting me the honor of knighthood and bestowing upon Katy the title of Lady of the Realm.
Katy Perry: (smiling) We feel that such recognition would not only validate our efforts but also draw greater attention to the causes we champion.
King Charles III: (chuckling softly) A bold request, Orlando. But I can see the sincerity in both of you. Titles are not merely ceremonial—they carry with them a responsibility to uphold the values of the realm.
Orlando Bloom: (earnestly) We understand that, Your Majesty. We’re ready to take on that responsibility and use it to further the causes we believe in.
King Charles III: (pausing thoughtfully) Very well. I shall take this under serious consideration. Your contributions to the arts, philanthropy, and now this global mission are commendable. If granted, these honors will be a testament to your dedication to the betterment of society.
Katy Perry: (beaming) Thank you, Your Majesty. This means the world to us.
King Charles III: (smiling) Continue your good work, and I shall see that your efforts are recognized appropriately. Now, go forth and show the world what it means to be true stewards of the earth.
Narrator: As Orlando and Katy leave the palace, their hearts are filled with hope and determination. Whether or not the titles are bestowed, their mission remains clear: to inspire change, protect the planet, and leave a legacy worthy of honor.
Scene: A private garden at Buckingham Palace, bathed in the soft glow of the setting sun. King Charles III sits on a wooden bench surrounded by blooming winter flowers. Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry stand before him, the air heavy with an unspoken gravity.
King Charles III: (gazing at the garden) Orlando, Katy, thank you for coming. There’s something I must share with you, something I’ve kept from the public.
Orlando Bloom: (concerned) Of course, Your Majesty. Whatever it is, we’re here for you.
King Charles III: (pausing, his voice tinged with sadness) I’ve been diagnosed with cancer. The doctors are doing all they can, but… the prognosis isn’t promising.
Katy Perry: (gasping softly) Oh, Your Majesty, I’m so sorry.
King Charles III: (smiling faintly) Thank you, Katy. But I’ve made peace with it. What gives me hope, what keeps me going, is the promise of spring. When the dandelions bloom, I’ll know there’s still a chance—a chance for renewal, for life.
Orlando Bloom: (earnestly) Is there anything we can do, Your Majesty?
King Charles III: (nodding slowly) Yes, Orlando. There’s something symbolic I wish to do. You’ve shown courage, integrity, and dedication to causes greater than yourselves. It’s time to recognize that.
(He stands, steadying himself with a cane, and gestures for them to kneel.)
King Charles III: Orlando Bloom, for your service to the arts, humanity, and now the planet, I dub thee Knight of Kent.
(He taps Orlando’s shoulders gently with a ceremonial sword.)
Orlando Bloom: (overwhelmed) Your Majesty, I’m honored beyond words.
King Charles III: (turning to Katy) Katy Perry, your voice has inspired millions, and your actions speak louder still. For your dedication to philanthropy and the environment, I bestow upon you the title of Lady of Santa Barbara.
Katy Perry: (tears in her eyes) Thank you, Your Majesty. I’ll carry this honor with pride and purpose.
King Charles III: (sitting back down, his voice soft but resolute) The world needs people like you—people who care, who act, who inspire. Use these titles not for yourselves but for the greater good. And when the dandelions appear, remember this moment. Remember that even in the face of despair, hope can bloom.
Narrator: As Orlando and Katy rise, their hearts are heavy with the weight of the King’s revelation but also filled with a renewed sense of purpose. They vow to honor his legacy by continuing their fight for the planet and its people, carrying the hope of spring in their hearts.